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On Commitment

Do note [Closed] by Paul Watson

I’ve been doing a lot over the last several weeks. I’ve been adding new commitments one by one to get ready for a return to the world. In that time, I realize that I’ve left off blogging.

Writing this blog was never intended to be a commitment or a drag on my time. Originally, it was an outlet for me to keep writing when other types of writing had failed me.

Now, as I restart those other types of writing, I figure I have no time or headspace for writing a post in this blog. That makes me sad. It is a sense of perfectionism that keeps me from writing here. It’s as though I had created an unwritten rule for myself that unless I had something really burning or really specific to say, I should not say anything at all.

And yet, how much blogging have I done this week in my mind?. I wanted to write something about how sad I was to vote this week and still be a full year away from selecting a new president. I wanted to write about how fucked up things are in Pakistan, the one country in 2003 that did have weapons of mass destruction, links to Al Qaida, and a dictator. I wanted to write about my trip to the East Coast and about how strange Cinder has been behaving since I returned.

But because I have been feeling like any post had to be like a finely crafted meal instead of just letting who I am come out in my writing, I’ve tricked myself into writing nothing at all.

The commitment I have in this blog is not to my readers, but to myself. I think any personal blog is like that, or should be.

2 replies on “On Commitment”

I think so, too. On top of writing well, you’re a remarkable conversationalist. Interesting, easy to talk to, connective, informed. Do you ever write what you’d say in conversation? Conversations flow from you. I don’t know if you realize that. So, if you ever feel stuck, you might pretend you’re talking to someone.

I suppose that’s pretty generic advice; I don’t mean it to be. It’s specific to you, as far I’m concerned.

I’m sorry to learn Cinder is acting strangely. Has she gotten any better?

Thank you, Bri, for the kind words.

Since I’ve gotten back, Cinder seems reluctant to play ball. She’ll chase it short distances, but if I throw it farther, she’ll peel off and come back to me.

She doesn’t seem to be limping or having any problem running, but I’m starting to wonder if her eyesight has diminished.

She had a little seizure the other morning when we woke up. It wasn’t as bad as the others she’s had — not nearly as contorted — but it lasted longer, about 10 minutes.

I’m keeping a close eye on her.

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